Celebrating Dad

Dad had a pretty big weekend - his birthday AND Father's Day! Dad, Mom, Lindsey, Dave, Caitlin, Dominic (the baby that Dad's "intuition" predicted is now 6 weeks old), and I had a delicious and fun happy hour at Willows Lodge on Friday night, entertained by Caitlin's dancing and followed by birthday cake. Father's Day was spent at church, a father-daughter Starbucks date, and a classic car show.

I feel so blessed to have such a loving dad and will, eventually, write a blog post solely to that point. In the meantime, here are some pictures from the weekend. Dad didn't always remember that he was the star of the weekend, but he seemed pretty happy. That's what it's all about.

 

 

 

Helping Grandpa unwrap his gifts

Dancing!

 

Dominic loved celebrating too

 

The ski cake was a hit

 

Dad and one of his dream cars - a 1956 Chevy Nomad

 

 Thanks for being here!

 

 

 

Funny Valentine

We all know how annoying it is to see Christmas decorations in the stores as soon as the Halloween goodies are put away for the year (or even alongside them). Imagine what it is like for someone who has no orientation to time. Dad is constantly pulling out his cell phone to check the date and time – and is especially confused when he sees red and green in the stores only to pull his phone out and find out it is October. He is more concerned now than he has ever been about holidays. (This is the guy who once bought an anniversary card – probably at the urging of my sister and me – and gave it to Mom unsigned.) As soon as he sees the decorations, I can anticipate the next questions: “What are we doing for [fill in the holiday here]? Have I gotten your mom anything?” And so, every major holiday means that a Tuesday is filled with shopping for mom. As we know, Dad likes shopping. J

Of course, I am not the only caregiver who has these conversations with Dad. This means that, often, mom gets, in the very least, two cards for every holiday.  Well, technically, she hasn’t received all of them yet. You see, with the best of intentions, Dad “hides” the cards when he gets them home from the store so that mom cannot find them. Well, he can’t find them when we call to remind him to give the card to her. Even if I help him hide the card so that I will know where to find it later, he moves it. The first Valentine’s Day after his Alzheimer’s diagnosis, I took Dad to the drug store to pick out a card for Mom. After a lot of consideration, he finally found one. We bought it, took it home and Dad “hid” it. When I called him on Valentine’s to remind him to sign it and give it to Mom, he said that he already had. I found out later that it was another card that Dad had bought with my great-aunt and uncle. The card that he had picked out with me was nowhere to be found.

This has happened for pretty much every holiday. (Fortunately, I always keep any gifts at my house.) This year, it was status quo for Valentine’s – Mom received a card, but not the one Dad had picked out with me. Thank goodness for such thoughtful caregivers! A month or so after the holiday, I got a text message from Mom saying that she had just found a Valentine’s card buried in the back of Dad’s closet. We both had a good laugh about it. Hey – why shouldn’t every day be Valentine’s Day?

Like everything about this terrible disease, we hope that there is a purpose and plan at work here. I think that God’s intent for the holiday cards going MIA is that, eventually, Dad will not be able to pick out a card for Mom and maybe the cards will be found then. In the meantime, maybe some will be found on the especially rough days of caretaking, when Mom just needs a reminder that she is loved, thought about, and that she will one day be rewarded for upholding the vow “in sickness and health.”

Thanks for being here!

Dad and his Valentine

 

The Ugly Coat

Last year, my brother-in-law invited my dad to a couple of Seahawks games with his season tickets. Because all of my dad’s coats were black wool, leather, or suede, my mom thought a new, warm, machine-washable raincoat with a hood (preferably in an easy-to-see color for the ever-wandering Dad) was in order. Clearly, this involved a trip to the mall. Now, I have to say, that, after spending plenty of years in malls with his lovely daughters, I am fairly sure that my dad likes shopping more than any of his “girls.” And he is definitely the slowest shopper out of all of us – and the day of coat shopping was no exception. Two hours at Sears where he spent the whole time rejecting every coat that mom and I picked out (although I must admit that we showed him the same coats several times) and kept going back to black leather or suede jackets. Rain coats were for “sissies” and there was “no way” he was going to wear a red, blue, or green jacket. This from the guy who spent many of my childhood years wearing a pink polo shirt or Hawaiian board shorts and shirts. Such a fan of color – and quite a fashion statement! Finally, we convinced him to “choose” a blue raincoat with a fleece lining. Mom and I thought it was a good purchase, but Dad was not having it. Every time he opened the coat closet to get a jacket out last fall/winter, he would loudly proclaim “whose ugly coat is this?” Every single time! And he had no interest at all wearing it to the Seahawks games, even when we convinced him it was the right color. He did wear the “ugly coat” to all of the games though. Mom is very persuasive. What a relief when spring came and the coat was no longer an issue for a while.

I wasn’t sure what would happen this past fall when it got cold and wet enough to don a raincoat. The first time I took it out of the closet for him to wear, on cue, he exclaimed “not that ugly thing!” I had to smile and let him choose his own coat. The next week, I just asked him to get a coat out of the closet – something warm and waterproof. When he picked the blue raincoat, I had to giggle. Reverse psychology? Actually, he chose that coat out of the closet for most of this past winter. He still occasionally calls it the “ugly coat” but wears it without complaint. So… if you ever want to take him to a Seahawks game, he is ready to go!

 

Dad in his "ugly coat" at Snoqualmie Pass

 

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

I hope that this year is off to a great start for everyone. Thought I would begin 2013 with an overview of highlights from 2012.

Our family started last year with Dad having surgery for a detached retina – in the middle of a snow and ice storm. It was quite an adventure getting to and from the hospital and the follow-up appointments (and I have vowed that my next car will have all-wheel drive!), but Dad was a real trooper through it all. My favorite conversation with him during this time went like this:

Dad: “So what would happen if I don’t have the surgery?”
Me: “Then you will go blind.”
Dad (without missing a beat): “Then at least I could get a dog.” 

Gotta love that his sense of humor is still intact! The surgery was successful. He still doesn’t have much vision in his right eye, but he compensates well.

Merv and Dad celebrated their 300^th chess game last year by a trip to Costco for mocha freeze drinks. A dear family friend, Merv is our super-dedicated Wednesday volunteer. He also helps out one night a month so that Mom can go to an Alzheimer’s caregiver support meeting. Dad always looks forward to Wednesdays with “Mr. Montacute” and intently studies chess books for strategies with which to win.

Dad, Susan, and Merv Montacute

 In the spring, I took Dad to get his first pedicure. I wasn’t sure what he would think of the experience, but he loved it! The ladies at InSpa were really sweet with him (they thought it was especially cute when he fell asleep soaking his feet) and he left saying that his feet were “smiling.” He now has a monthly pedicure date.

We went to the LeMay Car Museum to celebrate Dad’s birthday. He took lots of pictures of the 1930 Packard Roadster. I learned that he had helped his father restore a car like this when he was a kid. As Dad lives more and more in the past, we are learning things about his childhood that we never knew (like that he and his mother used to play a lot of chess when he was a kid) - an unexpected gift in this situation! At the museum, he also got to drive a race car simulator.

1930 Packard Roadster

Dad in the race car simulator

In August, Lindsey, Dave, and I hosted a Caregiver Thank You Party for everyone who helps out with Dad’s care. It was a beautiful day and everyone had a good time. Dad, of course, thanked everyone for being there. J

Other highlights of 2012:

Many trips to the arboretum, parks, the beach and picnics

At least weekly trips to Costco

Weekend get-aways to the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival, Poulsbo, and Long Beach

Quiet-yet-fun Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays spent being entertained by Miss Caitlin’s antics and tricks

Dad and Caitlin deep in conversation

We look forward to welcoming a new baby boy into the family this spring, witnessing what God has in store for Mom as her job at PeaceHealth ends in April, and seeing what else 2013 brings.

Happy New Year from our family to your’s! Thanks for being here!