Getting started

Starting a blog detailing our family's journey with Alzheimer's is something that I have wanted to do for a long time. My dad woke up the morning of November 15, 2010 completely confused. He did not know where he was, what he did for a living, how many children he has, or that his parents and brother are deceased. After a short stay in the hospital (diagnosis: sinus infection, cellulitis, and Transient Global Amnesia) and months of doctor's appointments and numerous tests, he was diagnosed with young-onset Alzheimer's disease at the age of 59. Of course, hindsight is 20/20 and, looking back, we see that he had been showing signs of memory loss for several years before the diagnosis. We had chalked the "not listening" and mood swings up to a mid-life crisis. The pieces came together when we knew the truth, but it was devastating.

Dad and me at my Preschool Father's Day Party (1985)

 

Suddenly, my once hard-working Dad was forced to quit his job as a truck driver and was no longer able to drive at all. Dad has always been a bit of a soft-hearted guy (guess having two daughters does that to a man!), but I had not seen my Dad weep until his beloved Chevy Silverado truck was sold. It was as if all of the frustrations and limitations of his diagnosis came flooding out at once. I also wept on my drive home from my parents' house that night. It wasn't the first time since Alzheimer's took over our lives - and not the last either.

Grief invaded our family. Dad grieved his life of independence and his place as supporter of the family. It wouldn't be fair of me to put the thoughts and feelings of my family members into words, but I know well the things I deeply grieved. Mostly the fact that my future husband and children would not know my Dad as he was. Selfishly, I grieved my former care-free young-adult life where I did not have to worry about how best to care for my parents at this time. That was something that was supposed to come much, much later in life.  It is said that the five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The first four "stages" resulted in a mismash of emotions for the first year after the diagnosis - for everyone in our family. I think Dad was probably the first one to come to some sort of acceptance, mostly because his complete lack of short-term memory forced him to live in the moment. Literally. How can you be upset for long when you don't remember why you were mad in the first place? Life is too short. Of course, he still gets angry and frustrated every once in a while, but, overall, he is a happy and sociable guy.

The rest of us are slowly coming to terms with the "new normal" too. We have a great team of family members and dear friends who have rallied with us to make sure that Dad is safe and happy during the weekdays when Mom is at work. He actually has more of a social life than the rest of us and he loves every minute that he is with people - especially when they take him to Costco for lunch! :-) For the most part, Dad still knows his family and friends, particularly those he sees regularly. Plus, almost everyone is a friend to him - from the sales associate at Home Depot to the artisan at the neighborhood farmer's market. He will strike up a conversation with anyone!

Note left on my pillow by Dad when I stayed overnight at my parents' house last week.

 

Which brings me to why I have titled this blog as I have. For the first several months after his Alzheimer's diagnosis, my dad was constantly heard saying, "this sucks." And it did. Big time. Never one to be down for long, though, he would quickly follow it with, "thanks for being here!" These days, we no longer hear "this sucks," but the "thanks for being here" is repeated throughout the day to whoever will listen - his caregiver of the day, the organist at church, the guy behind the counter at Starbucks, etc... Genuine gratitude!  I am still working on my own ratio of "this sucks" and "thanks for being here"s, but I do have a pretty good role model to follow. Most people my age are blogging about their home-buying experiences, children, and family vacations - what is happening in their life at the moment. Something to keep for posterity. I am blogging about this experience for the same reason. When this phase of our family's life is over - we will have something to remember this time and the things we learned along the journey.

Thanks for being here!